I went and stayed with an old friend. Good Christian woman… but I had forgotten she had another streak..
so… I lasted ummm…..just over 4 months there.
While yes it was a free room… It was stressful. And demeaning. I don’t think she realized it.. I realky dont. But while the old me wasn’t fazed by criticism… the sick me can’t tolerate it.
And It ran the gamut from bitching about my tattoos to what adjectives I used…. not just cussing…. but even “awesome”… I mean Really! to how fast (or slow in my case thanks to my back) I weeded a flowerbed… Nothing was good enough. Kinda reminds ne of my family. Some (most) guys i dated. Etc. But thats another post for another day maybe. PTSD.
And I couldn’t listen to negativity… “your disability might not come through”… “you may not get well”.. blah blah… disability is my only chance at getting well. And I have quite enough negativity in my head thanks to “bugs” without any help.
And then there were the comments in general about my health before. Other than lab-work… I was physically healthier in 2010 than I had been in years. I was eating decently healthy. Doing hot yoga…. etc etc But that was stupid bc no way was that true. (To quote her)
Let’s not forget the Lyme & company issues. Bc people who don’t have it… Know SOOO much more than people who do.
1) “I don’t think you’ve had Lyme as long as you think you have”
2) the CDC wouldn’t do that. (Her nephew works there)
3) stress doesn’t contribute to it (BULLSHIT – more on that can be found at this link Stress – from Mind Body Green– as well in numerous references on Pubmed (including this one: Stress & EBV reactivation – Pubmed
4) height loss is “normal” (yeah right… not 3″ in less than 4 years)
The list could go on… and sadly did. Sometimes she remembered saying it sometimes she didnt. ..
Plus 1) my “office” was outside off the garage. And full of bugs. They came in around the door and the windoes. Little ones.. big bastards too. I kinda have an issue with bugs.
2)mold… idk what kind… but I’m breathing better here…even though I’m smoking more.
I was gonna come back “here” at the end of June anyway. But….
The day before I left… she was bitching to her son and daughter-in-law about me not eating anything but gluten-free foods. So the next morning (or the afternoon before, I really can’t remember)… I tossed her the folder with printouts from that national Celiac Foundation thing… lists of what I can and can’t eat on gluten-free. Bc drs say no gluten for Lyme & company.
She called me a liar and said I made stuff up. Bc “nowhere on the list” did it say I couldn’t eat “fried foods“. Hello. Its called “flour type”. And “oil type”. Etc. She doesn’t even understand what the hell gluten is. And calls it horse-shit.. I pointed out that it was a matter of what the flour and the oils were made of. But by then I was pissed.
But the liar part – that REALLY pissed me off. Having worked with me in my old life.. she knew better than that. That was the proverbial straw.
I had put up with lectures on “language”. I had gotten past her ranting over something I posted on MY facebook page because SHE didnt like the name of the page it came from. I had actually gotten to where I stayed in “my room” to avoid arguments on politics etc (bc obviously since I have Lyme & company, I don’t have a brain anymore right?! )
But while I may not can quote it… I can still research. Don’t tell me about MY disease. Or what I can and can’t eat. When you know nothing about my disease. make that plural. Lyme & company…. that I’d GLADLY trade for cancer. It’s a faster death.
So I left. Took 2 days to get my stuff. 2 days to recuperate…. 2 days minimum to recuperate from anything these days. A damn trip to grocery store.
And after I got situated.. I went thru my meds. And knew I was right.
That her weird – ass yard guy had been in my room.. I had told her that when I found some books in there that weren’t mine.
But also….one of my bottles of Adderall was gone. Is gone. And I wasn’t taking it. We reduced my dose.
So… now I’m on my own again. Better that way. I’ll stay this way. Just bc I have Lyme doesn’t mean I’m stupid.
While I am paranoid… a bit crazy…a lot during flares actually.. but not stupid. And I’ll be damned if I’ll let anyone treat me that way. .. just bc I have a shot immune system with bacterial overliad.. including.. especially in my brain, does NOT make me stupid.